Running from Nothing

Open roads. Open minds.

I want to run. Away.

I have heard a thousand opinions, horror stories and been touched a few too many times (by men at the grocery store- are you for real?).  I’ve been criticized for wanting to vaccinate my child on a traditional schedule, introduce solid food at 6 months and bottle feed at some point so my husband can take part in feedings before she’s too old to be fed (breast milk, not formula).

And yet, the most hurtful, seems to come with cloth diapering- as people think, perhaps, that this is so menial, they can argue the point and convert me.  The numerous loaded questions have me angered and made me less likely to ever consider it than ever before.  “Mother’s have been doing this since the dawn of time. Why do you think you need to waste the money?”  “Why would you waste money on disposable diapers?”  “Don’t you care if your child gets a rash?”  “Why ruin the Earth for your child and the future?”

To them, let me tell you- if I could flight, I would- and you would be safer for it. But, since I cannot run, as per the doctor’s orders, let me fight.

I did not ask your opinion at 7pm at Stop&Shop. Nor do I care for it.

I have a dog… isn’t that enough? A soaking tub, knocked over with diapers and dirty water is not something I ever want to be privy to.
I do not want to spend money on cloth diapers when I may only be able to have one child. They are expensive, too.
Using hot water to wash is not something I do in my home.  It’s wasteful of the oil I have pumping to heat the water.  So for me, it is not more green, it is just another form of waste.
A diapering service is expensive. If I wanted to forgo hot water and a soaking bin, I would spend a small fortune.
I want to spend time with my baby girl, not laundering and diapering and perplexing the minds of people who actually want to help me change the baby, or babysit for me.
And, rashes are not caused by cloth or disposable diapers, as a sole culprit.  Many things can lead to a rash- leave a child in a wet diaper made of any fabric or fiber and you’re bound to come up with some bumps and irritation.

Is this good enough for you, World?  I think people who can and do the cloth diapering thing are great! Congratulations to them on having the time, money and patience.  It’s just not for me. Since when was that not ok?

I want to run. I need to vent.
Strapping my Asics onto my tired feet after a long day and pounding out 5 miles before dinner seems like nothing short of Heaven.
I say my prayers in church every Sunday. I ask for the strength to forgive and forget.  But these seem to be tasks better served to family members and friends- strangers’ tongues seem more biting and hurtful.
I give pleading eyes to passerby who dare tell me one more damn thing I didn’t ask about. To just smile and say nothing if it’s at all short of a comment dripping with sweetness.  But, more often than not, I get a story of a dreary labor, a neighbor who has a child still suffering from colic at 9 months, or the daughter of a friend from high school who only gained 5 pounds, or 70 pounds.  Why am I not bigger?  Why am I not smaller?
Who the hell are these people?!
You do not know me.
Sometimes I wonder if I know me.

I want to run.  I want to feel the wind in my hair, cooling the sweat on my face and chilling my spine.
I miss running… especially the option of running away.

1 Comment»

  sara wrote @

Give ‘em hell, Chel! xo


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